The Resolve that I Needed

Sometimes my mind wanders back to the way things were.  I start to feel a bit flush with cash and I start to think of all of the things I could spend it on.  I could really use some new shoes, a new pair of jeans, a cookbook, Brighton would really like that toy.... you get the picture.

And then sometimes I get that little wink that says, "You're moving in the right direction."  It's that little boost that re-energizes me along our path of simple living.

I went out for tea last night with some of the other mom's from Tristan's scout tribes.  One of the ladies asked me, "So how is the packing coming?" and I responded saying how surprised I was at how little we actually had.  For a family of five, our possessions really do not amount to much.  After the year of purging that I've had, we're down to a very reasonable (though not exactly minimalist) level of "stuff".  I said that we now only had two boxes of books for adults, two for the kids, and the kids were down to under two weeks worth of clothing.  This statement was met with shock, and honestly a bit of horror.  "Oh I could NEVER have that little!.... We love reading too much.... My daughter could easily has 1500 books, she reads a ton every week!  My daughter's walk in closet is stuffed full!"  To which my reply is always to visit the library, borrow from friends, it's okay to get rid of things, there will always be more around the corner, etc etc.  But I find it often falls on deaf ears.  And that's okay.

I have gotten to the point where I don't feel the need to justify my choices.  I am only responsible to my family, no one else's.  I have a duty, along with my husband, to make the choices that are right for ME and MY kids.  We are happier and calmer when there is less stuff, less mess, and less choice.  I think it was the boost that I needed this week!

Today I am...

- Baking banana bread to use up the last of the over ripe bananas I have stashed in the freezer
- Making a batch of baked potato soup in the crock pot.  There is nothing better than soup at using up odds & ends.
- Finally tackling the ironing pile that has taken over my utility room
- Not going to go to sleep until I have finished ALL of the laundry piles
- Packing up my sewing supplies and looking forward to having my own sewing room in the new house
- Dreaming of painting my kitchen table a sweet buttery yellow
- Sorting through the stacks of paper that seem to multiple on my desk
- Anxiously awaiting this upcoming move!

Renting in a Buyers Market

I apologize for my rather length absence, I do have a good excuse though!  We have been consumed with searching for the perfect home to move to, and it proved to be quite a difficult task.  You see I live in a city where it's very uncommon for families to rent, there is an obsession here with being a home owner.  In fact you are rather looked down on as a second class citizen in these parts.  Saying you're a renter, is almost like muttering a dirty word under your breath.

Our local newspaper actually wrote an article about it a couple of weeks back:
Calgary renters rebelling against the 'cult of home ownership'

We knew all of this going into the rental search, but what we didn't realize is what it would mean to us in our home search.  What it translated to from landlords was an awful amount of suspicion about why we wanted to rent.  Some rental applications made me feel like a criminal, wanting credit checks, reports, pay stubs, work references, personal references, credit card numbers WITH expiry dates.... I was surprised they didn't ask for a blood sample and blood testing by the end of it all.

We looked at many houses:  some were too big (who wants to clean and heat 2200 square feet?), some didn't have any storage space, some were on busy roads, some had no amenities in the area and would require a car to go anywhere.  We learned after moving to our current home that in the end the house is not the most important thing, the location of the house is what matters.

So what did we decide on?  In the end we went for a small house with great storage, on a quiet street, with a peaceful backyard with a fenced in vegetable garden and mature lilac bushes.  We can walk to the local rec centre and are just around the corner from the local school.  The landlords are a nice older couple who just retired and are moving to Washington to live with their daughter and her family.

This is our little beauty (only 1060 square feet!)

We take possession in less than four weeks, so if I'm not very consistent on blogging you'll have to forgive me.  I will definitely keep you posted on our moving, downsizing, and simplifying journey.  Each step we take that brings us closer to moving is a huge weight off my shoulders.

Goal Update

We are starting to come out of the fog of almost 2 weeks of sickness, and boy am I glad!  I've managed to accomplish some of the goals I set out, and am trying to get back on track to finish up what still needs to be done and plan for the next week.

So how did my no-spend week go?  Well it ended up being not quite a no-spend week.  I caved and bought some clothes for Brighton on e-bay.  I did feel some guilt about the purchase, but honestly it was a decent deal at $75 shipped for a Hanna Andersson quilted baby jacket, dress with diaper cover, shirt, pants, hat, and hair bows.  Actually it included another jacket as well, but the seller relisted it and will give me some money back on the sale.  Not bad - now other than shoes and a couple of summer hats I can definitely say Brighton is set for clothing for the spring and summer.  Other than that slip up, the rest of the week went okay.  I washed both of our vehicles ($12), and did take the kids to McDonald's ($10).  But overall it was pretty good considering all of my spending was another $100.

Sell $50 worth of "stuff".  As of today, I'm up to $75 for the month of February.  I want to keep a running tally and see how much we can raise!  Last month we sold approximately $225 worth of stuff.  I'm loving it!  I also have a van full of donations to drop off.

Declutter living room, bedroom, and baking shelf in garage. Not done yet.  I have a few more things to clear out of the living room, the bedroom I only accomplished my side table (which is now nearly completely empty), and I will finish the baking shelf today and post a picture.

I'm going to hold off of posting any more specific goals for the rest of this week, and give myself some breathing room to clear out some of the things I need to sell and finish up the decluttering projects I've already started.

UPDATE:
I did it!  I finished the baking shelf today, and I managed to purge more than I anticipated.

Here's the before:

And the after... much better!

I purged a huge bag of plastic cups we bought for my son's first birthday party (he turns 6 in June!), a cast iron frying pan, an extra loaf pan, extra muffin pan, plastic party trays, chocolate fondue pot, metal pie dish, glass punch bowl, and a few other little odds and ends.  I'm feeling quite accomplished now!

I still need to tackle this mess though:

Simple Pleasures

I have been dealing with sick children for over a week now, and am starting to feel a bit care worn.  It's always humbling to be the caregiver, to know that someone is relying on you completely to meet their needs and ease their pain.  It's not a time where you can put yourself first or worry about your own needs and wants.  It's exhausting and rewarding all at the same time.  And it makes you appreciate those little steps that we all take to keep our own sanity in tact.

I really, really love silence.  I don't think I quite appreciated  how much I love silence until I had three very loud children come into my life.  Now I relish in it.  I love nothing more than to curl up with a good book and a cup of tea by the fire.  It's restorative.

Which is why I have gotten into the habit of waking up at 4:30am, so that I can shower, and sit quietly with a cup of coffee before the hectic pulse of the day begins.  Right now everything is still, everything is quiet.  It's just me, the cats, and a cup of coffee.  Bliss!

(until you hear the footsteps of a four year old coming down the stairs... apparently it is time for the day to begin)

Being Honest

Courtney Carver wrote a brilliant yesterday on asking the soul shaking question.  I love blog posts that make me stop and give pause to the bigger picture.  Asking ourselves "Why?" is sometimes the hardest question imaginable.

The question I asked myself was, "Why do I have all these great intentions, but consistently fall short?".  The answer - excuses and inconvenience.  There was a great quote at the very beginning of the documentary Fresh, "Americans fear only one thing: inconvenience."  Powerful and true.  I could easily make my own bread, I have the knowledge, the skill, and the tools to do so, but it is far easier to pick up a loaf at the grocery store.  I could line dry my clothes, but it involves being more organized so that I'm not trying to catch up on 10 loads of laundry in a single day.  I could avoid buying new, but it would involve not always having exactly what I want, when I want it.

I like to think I'm not the same as every other mindless consumer out there, but the fact is, intentions matter for nothing.  Action is what matters.  On a consistent, daily basis I need to give pause to my actions, consider how they reflect my beliefs and intentions, and decide whether I am making the correct choice.  It means calming the impulses, being more patient, and living intentionally.  Not an easy thing to do.  But if we want to change the outcome, we have to change our patterns.  You can't expect to lose weight if you continue to eat the same as you always have, and you can't expect to change your financial picture if you spend the same as you always have.

I am going to spend some time in reflection today and come up with a personal mission statement for myself.  Something that I can reflect on daily, put in my wallet, put on my computer monitor, something that forces me to pause and consider my actions.

Random thoughts...

Still dealing with sick kids and lack of sleep, so welcome to a little piece of what's been running through my head...

- I love the content on The Everyday Minimalist, but it drives me completely crazy that the site itself is anything but minimalist.  It hurts my head to look at it

- I wonder if it truly is possible for your head to explode by listening to the non-stop chatter of a five-year old

- My son is apparently a thief and has been swiping Lego from the kindergarten classroom.... must figure out a way to make him really the zillion pieces of Lego he has is already a ridiculous amount, he does not need to steal to obtain yet more of it.

- I have crossed the line from loving coffee to needing coffee.  I'm committed to not doing a grocery shop this week, which means I am rationing coffee, and I'm cranky.

- My fuzzy bright pink marshmallow robe my mother in law bought me for Christmas is quite possibly the ugliest thing I own, but it's too comfy for me to care.

- I've decided one can truly never own too many Mason jars.

Stain fighting power!

I wish I had a more exciting post for you today, but I've been dealing with a sick child and a husband out of town.... saying that I've been "scatter brained" is putting it mildly.

I do want to share this AMAZING stain remover with you all!  I found the recipe on Pinterest, and it is truly incredible.  My kids have this habit of covering themselves in tomato sauce and orange juice.... and I have a habit of ignoring stains until I get around to doing laundry.  This results in pesky stains I can't get out, and I cannot bring myself to let my kids wear stained clothing, it nags at me every time I look at them.

This is a super frugal recipe and you probably already have the items on hand.
1 part Dawn (I use the regular old green Dawn liquid)
2 parts Hydrogen Peroxide
and if you feel like you need some scrubbing power, a sprinkling of baking soda

Mix all these up, pour it on the stains, rub them in a bit, and let sit for a few minutes (I wouldn't leave it on too long as the hydrogen peroxide may discolour your clothing).  Then throw everything in the washer and be amazed when it comes out CLEAN!

I have used this on a multitude of colours from light to dark.  And I've even used it on set in stains that have been washed and dried.

If you give it a shot let me know how you like it!

I wish I was more organized and had before and after pics for you, but yeah, that's not happening today.

Decluttering Dilemma

I'm running into a bit of a dilemma in my decluttering mission.  I'm trying to find the balance between having the things we need to be as self sufficient as possible, and keeping things that are rarely used.  I have so many baking pans and kitchen appliances that some have been relegated to a shelf in the garage.  This is where my canning pots, angel food cake pan, and huge tub of 100+ cookie cutters live.  I would love to say, "They're rarely used, I'll just toss them!" But then what do I do when I want to can jam and apple sauce?  Is it really necessary to own an enormous pressure cooker?  No... but it sure does come in handy when I'm making stock out of a turkey carcass.  And do I need to own 100 mason jars?  Of course not, but when I need one it sure is nice to have a variety of sizes on hand.

There seems to be a pretty fine line between having enough, and having too much.  It's a pretty individual decision on where that line falls, and I guess I'm just trying to figure out where the line is for me.

Here is the shelf in all its disorganized cluttered glory, I'll try to update later with what decision I come to.

Goals and Spending Plan

Sunday seems like a good day to sit down with a cup of tea and contemplate the week.  I tend to overwhelm myself with long term goals and planning, I think I need to slow myself down and plan things one step (or week) at a time.

Nick is far away in jolly ol' England this week.  Sadly his 99 year old grandfather Jack passed away, just 6 months shy of his 100th birthday.  My mother in law generously offered to pay for Nick's plane ticket, so he seized the opportunity to spend some time with family.

While he is away I am going to try to have a no-spend week!  I have a tendency when it's just me and the kids to spend money just for something to do.  I'll grab a coffee, order pizza, swing by McDonald's, stop by the dollar store to pick up some craft supplies... I am pretty good at wasting money just for the sake of wasting it.  So this week I am having none of it!  While my budget is $0, Nick's is $400.  Hopefully he won't spend it all, but the money is there in case it's needed.

The exception to the no-spend is renewing my vehicle registration ($84.95), and paying the cell phone bill today ($120.75).  Other than that we can make do.

Aside from not spending money this week, I want to bring in at least $50 selling things around the house.  I've already decluttered and sold quite a bit, so I'm digging deep on this one, but I'm sure it can be done.

And as for decluttering, I want to work on the living room, bedroom, and baking shelf in the garage.  In preparation for our upcoming move I'm trying to be ruthless about what we truly need and use, and what we just keep for the sake of having it around.

Why I will NEVER buy a new car again

As part of our bankruptcy, we let our 2008 Hyundai Entourage van go.  We could have chosen to keep it and continue to make our monthly payments, but let me tell you that I am super excited about actually OWNING the vehicle that we're driving rather than OWING on it.  It far outweighs the pros of having a newer vehicle for me, and I wonder how I could have ever thought it was a good idea to buy a brand new car.

Here's a little calculation to prove my point.
The original purchase price of our previous van was $43,478.60.  We financed it at 0% interest, with $0 down.
Over the four years that we owned the vehicle we made a total $25,362.40 in payments which left a remaining balance of $18,116.20.  We also put in a total of $2,356.87 in repairs.  So over the course of the 49 months we owned our van we paid about $566 per month to drive it.  And the kicker - with its condition and mileage, it's only worth about $12,000-$14,000.  So factoring in the depreciation, the REAL cost of ownership was approximately $650 per month.  Now remember this is not a luxury vehicle, this is a people-hauling utilitarian mini van.

Our current vehicle is a 1993 Toyota Previa with 288,000km on it.  We paid $1200 for it, and had to put $2600 worth of repairs into it.  So the current cost to us is $3800.  If we have to put an average of $100 worth of repairs into it monthly, and we drive it for 24 months, it will cost us $258 per month, and that's not even factoring in what we could potentially sell it for at the end of those 24 months.  It also doesn't take into account that the cost of insuring it is HALF of what our newer van cost.  A savings of $400 per MONTH.  $4800 per year!

Now what would I rather do with $4800?  Save it towards retirement, save it for my children's education, save it towards my dream home, go on a dream vacation - LIVE DEBT FREE BELOW MY MEANS.  It can be done, it WILL be done.

A new beginning

I have really wrestled back and forth with how to write this post, and whether I should even write it at all.  Much has happened since I last updated almost two months ago, and it left me questioning if I really wanted to put it out there.  In the end I decided that it's something that should be put out there, because I don't think enough people are candid with their finances, which leads to so many feeling like they are alone in their situations.

We declared bankruptcy.  Phew - scary thing to say, and scary thing to go through.  I'm sure that you can all appreciate that this was not an easy decision to make, so let me enlighten you as to the reasons we ultimately decided it was necessary.

Back in mid-December I lost my job.  It was a surprise, but not really.  I had spoken with my boss back in November about the future of my position, knowing that our current project would be wrapping up and my job would become obsolete.  She assured me that they had a plan in place and wanted to keep me on.  Unfortunately, the plan did not come to fruition and the work dried up.  I have still been told that they want to find a position for me, but when and if that will happen remains to be seen.  Being that I am a mother of three small children, finding a position that earns $1500-$3000 per month after expenses is not particularly easy.  So now we're down to one income.

Then we had the issue of our 2010 taxes which we still had not filed.  We knew that we would owe money, but as to the amount I was scared to even hazard a guess.  We finally quit procrastinating, and when the number came in, I just about fell over.  We owed $1600 in corporate taxes, Nick owed $5500, and I owed $2000.  I stayed up until the next day crunching numbers trying to figure out how we could even afford a monthly payment plan for the taxes, and I just couldn't.  We had reached the tipping point where we could no longer sustain our monthly payments, let alone make any headway on paying down our debt.

Nick and I both just looked at each other with heavy sighs, threw up our hands, and said, "Something's gotta give!"  We called the bankruptcy trustee the next day.  At this point we hadn't solidified in our minds this was the route we were going to take, but we wanted to know our options.

As it turned out there was another factor we hadn't considered: Our House.  Our home has been an ongoing saga and a constant reminder of the bad decision we made when we bought it.  We are upside down on our mortgage with no hope of selling, and the thought of trying to wait out the market was a constant black cloud over our heads.  Our trustee told us we could let the house go with the bankruptcy.  We hadn't even considered that before, but as soon as he said that, we knew what we had to do.

Now I know that not everyone agrees with bankruptcy, and I know that not everyone agrees with foreclosure.  I will admit to being one of those people that perhaps judged these options too harshly.  I want to remind you though that these options exist for a reason.  This is giving us the opportunity to have a future... without the bankruptcy, I don't know how long we would be treading water, trying desperately to get ahead but not really getting anywhere.

I want to make it clear that this does not mean we get to just "walk away" from our debt.  We will be making payments for the next 21-24 months.  We are "allowed" to make $4059 per month, after that amount everything else we make we will owe 50% towards the bankruptcy (our current monthly payment is $645).  This also does not absolve the debt we owe to my mother in law, to the tune of $45,000, it also does not absolve our corporate taxes, or my own personal taxes (Nick is declaring bankruptcy, I am not).  So we are far from out of the woods.  But there is hope, and there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and for that I am thankful.

I am thankful for finally having some breathing room.  I am thankful for the opportunity to show that our past mistakes do not reflect who we are TODAY.  There are drastic changes ahead for us... I hope that you'll stick with me along our path to financial redemption.

Taking charge!

I am bound and determined that 2012 is going to be the year that I truly take charge of our finances and become a grown-up!  I feel sometimes like home ownership, marriage, and kids just came out of nowhere and we were in no way prepared for the responsibility of it all.  No more!  I am going to get everything organized and be in control.

Here is the start of my financial control to-do list:
- apply for the boy's social insurance numbers
- get a copy of Brighton's birth certificate
- change my last number on my social insurance card
- open up savings accounts for the kids
- open up RESP accounts for the kids
- file our 2010 taxes (yes, a year late)
- write our wills (this has been on our to-do list for the last 6 years!)
- make a list of all of our accounts and pin numbers/passwords for the safe

I'm sure that this list will grow, but for now, I've got work to do!

Creating Rhythm

I have been reading a fantastic book lately called, "Simplicity Parenting" by Kim John Payne.  It is about "Using the extraordinary power of less to create calmer, happier and more secure kids".  One chapter that I am finding the most challenging (and the most rewarding) is the concept of rhythm.

“Meaning hides in repetition:  We do this every day or every week because it matters.  We are connected by this thing we do together.  We matter to one another.  In the tapestry of childhood, what stands out is not the splashy, blow-out trip to Disneyland but the common threads that run throughout and repeat:  the family dinners, nature walks, reading together at bedtime, Saturday morning pancakes.” – Kim John Payne"

 The challenging part of creating rhythm is that it takes time, consistency and patience.  There is also a good deal of trial and error to see what works for our family, and what doesn't.  I will say this -  it is definitely worth the effort.  I used to be very stuck on schedules, but scheduling and rhythm are not one and the same.  Rhythm says that "this is what we do before we go to bed" it does not say "Bedtime is 7pm every night".  We certainly strive for consistency in sleep times, meal times, etc but that is not always possible, and it's very easy with three children to be thrown off a schedule and become frustrated and feel rushed.

In the past when we would start to feel like we had fallen behind on our schedule, routines would fall by the wayside.  Late to bed?  No bath and bed tonight!  Running late for an appointment?  Rush around like a mad man , throw on coats, yell for cooperation, and likely forget things along the way.  But rhythm isn't concerned with time, rhythm creates a comforting flow of activities so that live is more predictable, calm, and manageable.

The wonderful thing about rhythm is that it doesn't just create more calm for the kids, it is definitely helping me as well.  I am looking on establishing more routines in our home and am interested to see the effect it will have on our minds, and our finances.

Feeling Stuck

Nick came to me this weekend, looking rather down and defeated, with a rather familiar lament about feeling stuck.  I wrote about our housing dilemma back in August, and it's still an ongoing concern.  It's easy to say, "You have a beautiful home, just be happy."  But what if you're not?  We have tried to sell without luck, we have had drama with our neighbours that seems to be getting worse before it gets better, and we are living a fair distance away from the city where Nick works.  It's not an ideal situation, and despite trying to make the best of it, it's starting to get the better of us.

I'm trying to do less complaining and more coming up with solutions, so I thought about it.  I weighed options, considered our choices, and then presented what I thought was the best solution to Nick, and he seems to agree.  After the kids are done school for the summer, we are going to rent out our home.  We are not going to make any money off of the rental, in fact we may end up subsidising it a bit.  It will, however, give us the opportunity to move on, and right now that is worth it's weight in gold.

We considering various options afterwards.  We may try living with my mother-in-law for a bit so we are able to stash away some money for rainy days, or we may just start renting in the city right away.  We will find somewhere that is cheaper than what we currently pay on housing and save the rest.  What is important is that we have both a mental and a physical fresh start.

All of the financial responsibility in the world doesn't really matter in the long run if you're ultimately miserable and feeling hopeless.  After our talk I could see a weight lifted off Nick's shoulders, and now we're (cautiously) excited about the prospect.  It's good to have decided this a few months in advance so we can get all of our ducks in a row and be aware of all the pitfalls we may encounter.  And now I have even more motivation on my decluttering path!

Decluttering update!

I'm on a roll now!  Instead of adding a storage cupboard, I eliminated two!  Plus I have more than entire van load to go the Salvation Army.  My kids even got in on the action and got two garbage bags of toys out of their play area.  Already the cleaning is becoming easier around here with less stuff.  This is addictive!

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It feels so good to be making process and moving towards our goal of a more simple lifestyle.  We will never be minimalists to the point of owning only 100 things each, but my goal is that we will get to the point where we don't save things "just in case" and everything in our home is useful, used, and loved.

5 things I'm doing, and 3 I'm not.

It definitely feels like winter is on it's way today!  It's dark and cold outside, and there was not a lot of sleep to be had in our house last night - perfect day to catch up on some work inside.  Nick normally has Friday off, but this week he is in first aid training today and tomorrow, so it's just me and the kidlets with a messy house and a lot of work for me to do.

The things I AM doing today:
- Working, working, working.  We're going to a Halloween event tomorrow night so I want to get ahead of the work game so I'm not overwhelmed tomorrow.
- Cleaning out the fish tank and packing it away.  I sent our gold fish to live at a new home this morning where they will be loved and cared for.  They were being a bit neglected around here.
- Catching up on laundry and cleaning my laundry room
- Cleaning out our basement fridge and getting it ready to go to the dump.  It's been working only intermittently lately and we really don't need two fridges.
- Tidying the playroom and culling the kids toys while they nap.  I've been paying attention to what they play with and what just gets dumped on the floor, so I'm going to make our lives easier and clear out what's not being used.

Things I am NOT doing today:
- Getting dressed.  I'm declaring a pj day since we're not going anywhere - why create more laundry?
- Making lunch.  Seems like a good day for cheese, crackers, and fruit.
- Stressing!  There is lots to do but it will all get done in its own time.  I'm going to enjoy the process of simplifying around here and not worry about what still needs to be done.

I hope that everyone has a peaceful and productive Friday :)

Simplifying Halloween

Holidays have always been a spending a pitfall for me - Halloween is a big one (often worse than Christmas).  Growing up my Dad always had the "go big or go home" approach to the holidays.  On Halloween the entire family, including the dog, would have costumes (usually elaborate home made ones my mom laboured over), we would have multiple carved pumpkins for each person,and  a realistic graveyard transported to our front yard - it was completely over the top.... and I LOVED it!

I too adopted this approach to the holidays once I had my own to take care of.  I defined myself by the amount of effort and attention I put into celebrating these holidays.  At last count I had 7 large rubbermaid totes of Halloween decorations.  But this year, I'm not doing it.  We didn't decorate a single thing, not a single tote left our garage.  Halloween is a few days away and I still don't know what I'm wearing.  If it makes me happy to do it, then why aren't I?  It started out as a bit of an experiment, did this way of approaching celebrations really make me happy, or was it just habit to go overboard?

This year we decided to take the kids to a local Halloween party over the weekend, and we are largely going to skip trick-or-treating.  We'll take the kids to a few houses on Halloween, but just enough so that they can consume the small amount of candy in a few days, and then we'll be done.  We aren't decorating our house and we aren't handing out candy.  The not handing out candy decision wasn't an easy one because traditional wisdom would say that you have to give in order to receive, so isn't it wrong for my kids to collect candy if we're not giving it out?  I struggled with this for awhile and then thought of all the years I handed out candy before I had kids (or when my kids were too small for trick-or-treating), and all the years I will hand it out after my kids are too old.  Right now I think my focus needs to be on celebrating with my own family, which is why we're taking the focus away from the trick-or-treating aspect.  I'm also discouraged by hearing of how many people throw out a large amount of the candy they receive because it's "too much".  But if it's too much, then why collect it in the first place?  It seems like such a waste of money and resources to collect more than you intend to consume.  I think it's a good learning experience to say to kids, "Wow, that's a lot of candy!  I think that's enough, don't you?"  It's easy to become greedy when people are handing out something for free you enjoy, but at some point I think you have to learn to stop yourself.

I guess we will find out in a few days how our experiment in simplifying Halloween goes.  So far though, I'm loving it!  No decorations cluttering my house, no extra stuff to dust around, and nothing to put away at the end of the season.  The kids and I have been reading Halloween books and making crafts and thoroughly enjoying the season together.  We're planning on having a big garage sale in the spring to sell of all of the excess.  It feels good to find some space and enjoy the holidays rather than stress about them.

Working as a team

Any financial expert out there will tell you that the secret to a happy financial life as a family is working together as a team, but sometimes this is easier said than done.  There are loads of blogs out there that will give you tips to get your partner on board with you, but ultimately for us we both had to come to our own decision that we wanted to change how we were living our lives.

Over the weekend Nick came to his own, "A ha!" moment.  Last night he said to me, "I've made the decision that we really need to take this environmentally concious lifestyle as far as we can."  I felt like shouting "Halleleujah!" from the rooftop.  He sat down and watched the same documentaries as I did and came to the same conclusions - things have got to change.  We're not under any delusions that changes happen over night, but it's a day by day effort to work towards the life that you want to live.

One decision that we had already made was that we were going to limit the kids Christmas presents and instead have a family weekend together.  The family weekend we were planning to take involved driving 3 1/2 hours away to West Edmonton Mall to stay at The Fantasyland Hotel and spend the weekend at the amusement park and water park.  Nothing about this weekend was sustainable or frugal.  Would the kids enjoy it?  Of course they would!  Would it represent the lifestyle we want to cultivate for our family?  No.

Instead of having a commercialized weekend away, we are going to set aside a weekend in January to spend together as a family.  We're going to purchase some used cross country skis or snowshoes and get out together in the mountains.  We'll visit the public wave pool and play board games together at home.  And all of this will be much cheaper, more relaxing, and will support the future we want for us as a family.

I can't even convey how amazing it feels to be having these discussions and making these decisions together as a couple.  There is no debate, just open, honest discussion and we are both coming to the same realizations.  I couldn't be happier!

(re)Defining myself

I'm finding myself daunted with ideas right now, like I'm standing at the crossroads and I need to decide which path I'm going to take.  I feel like I don't know who I am, or if I ever have.  I've always been kind of a chameleon, taking in others ideas, trying them out to see if they fit.  My parents gave my sister and I a lot of independence and never really encouraged us down any one path.  My mom wouldn't even sign us up for activities unless we specifically asked, which as a child of the 80's meant that I did bowling and roller skating lessons (not skills which I can say have really come in handy over my life).  As a teenager I played a lot of sports, but I'm not sure if it was really a passion, or if it was just something to do to pass the time.  I can't say that I miss sports at all now that they aren't a part of my daily life.  I started a lot of post secondary programs but never actually finished any of them, I just couldn't commit to anything because it didn't feel like me, but who am I?

Part of my toxic relationship with money over the years can be directly related to this quest to figure out who I am, who I want to be, what do I like.  I have never done anything half-assed.  When I decided to learn to crochet I bought every book on the subject, skeins of yarn, every crochet hook known to man - only to discover I am terrible at crocheting and found it incredibly frustrating.  Same thing when I when Nick and I decided that we were going to make fitness a priority and were going to exercise at home - we bought a professional grade recumbent bike, weights, resistance bands, work out DVDs..... that fad didn't last long, I cannot stand exercise DVDs and feel silly doing them at home.  I thought I wanted to be a scrap booker so I bought loads of paper, scissors, adhesives, and a Cricut.  I think I have finally hit that point where I have realized that who I am cannot be defined by what I buy or what I own.  Who I am has to be defined by my actions.

So this brings me to my latest interest.  Over the past few months I have poured over minimalist blogs, soaking everything up and feeling so at peace with this idea of less stuff, less time spent working, more family time, more peace, more space.  I have been watching a lot of environmental interest and sustainability documentaries on Netflix while I'm working away, and I keep nodding to myself thinking, "Yes!  Yes! THIS is what I want for my family!"  I want to declutter myself and not go back to adding to the "stuff".  I want to work hard and pay off this debt and stop the cycle of spending.  I want to make thoughtful decisions about where our money goes, how we spend our time, and what impact our decisions will have on the world around us.